May 20 2008
Mr. Hankey would be so proud
You know how sometimes you really have to take a crap but you’re in the middle of something so you take a gamble and try to summon the strength of 10 men to hold it in for another 5 minutes? And you know how sometimes a little kernel of poo sneaks out of your butthole and secretly camps in your underpants until you finally take your seat on the throne? My friend Cory claims he’s never experienced this, but he’s a compulsive liar and I don’t believe a word he says.
Anyway, I just thought the internet would like to know that (a) I took the gamble today and lost, and (b) I need new underwear, not because I took a devastatingly huge dump in it (at least not today!) but because it’s literally falling apart at the seams as you can tell from the picture. But on the bright side, I named that little brown guy in my jeans Hankey Jr. Hoooooowdy ho!
Ewwww gross!
That is so nasty, man! I can’t believe you took a picture of your shit…
How come it wasn’t a close-up?
dude. doooooooood. no FUCKING WAY. i hope you incinerated those jeans, wonderwear, socks, and anything that came within at least a foot of that nastiness.
excuse me while i projectile vomit.
…and at what the fuck, man? i’m dying to know the thought process behind you sitting down to take a dump, seeing mr. mini-hankey, going to get your camera, and taking a pic.
actually, i take it back. i’m not that interested in knowing the process. please don’t share. thanks.
Dude-I know we’ve been talking about hanging lately, which I’m still down with…but if you ever pull some shit like this live, it’s over Let’s hang soon (and if you try to sub a turd for sausage on the grill, I will notice so don’t even try it
).
I’m glad everyone is enjoying my poo!
Lee: I would have made it a closeup, but I didn’t want Hankey Jr. to scare the entire world… at least not anymore than he already has.
Angela: The second I saw Hankey Jr. in my pants I got up and waddled to my office, pants around my ankles, to get the camera. Go download “This Magic Moment” by Jay and The Americans and, while you’re listening to it, picture me getting off the can to find my camera. Then you’ll understand.
Clayton: I would never lay a turd on MY grill so eating at my place will always be safe. Can’t guarantee that if I come to your place though.