This Blog Sucks

I’m not exactly known as Mr. Hygiene but I’m also not a fan of excess body hair, ie: the pubic jungle I just recently trimmed down. This rogue nosehair may be hard to spot in the video below but, believe me, it was there and it was proudly hanging out of my right nostril. And no, this is NOT a hint that you should get me a nosehair trimmer for Christmas. As you can see I prefer to get to the “root” of the problem even if it means a little suffering.

I kinda saw this coming. I got in line at 7:40 am behind at least 100 other people. About 10 minutes later some AT&T guy came out and told us they wouldn’t have enough iPhones to go around so we should come back later! Oh well. Better to get brushed off early than sit in line for 2 hours for nothing.

The bald guy in the gray sweatshirt below was one of the people I saw last night… turns out he showed up at 8 pm. DUMBASS!! I’ll gladly wait a day or three rather than spend a night sleeping on the sidewalk.

I was just out doing some late-night running around… drop off the rent check, return a movie at Blockbuster, score some crack, that kind of thing… so I decided to swing by the AT&T store to make sure I know where it is before I go there tomorrow to get an iPhone. It wasn’t even midnight and there were already two people waiting outside their door!! Geeeeezzzzzz. It’s just a piece of hardware.

I’ll try to be there when they open up at 8 am but in the very likely event that I oversleep and can’t get my shiny new phone tomorrow, I’ll get it later. No big deal.

It gets hot down there in this weather - I’ll spare you the pictures (you’re welcome!).

Friday last week I had yet another BBQ thing at my place and a lot of the same people from last time showed up. Once again it was a good time and once again we started running out of booze around 1 am so Clayton and Keskay were nice enough to go on a beer run. Next time I’m getting a keg! Well, a half keg which, according to my googling, equals about 75-80 beers. And the irony of having two parties in two weeks is that my apartment has never been so clean.

This past Saturday was Clayton’s birthday so we threw together a last minute bbq at my place and about 20 people showed up! And there were even a few hot girls in the mix.

The next morning I woke up with no recollection of being in the picture below or how the night ended, but as you can see in the pic I’m still wearing clothes so I think it’s safe to assume things didn’t get too out of hand.

On the advice of Pat’s girlfriend Heather, I bought some Mucinex DM at Jewel today. It scanned as $13.49 but I showed them it was supposed to be on sale for $9.99, and since the scan was wrong I got my bottle of phlegm pills for FREE! Fuck yeah. I love stickin’ it to The Man.

Getting my drugs for free was a nice bonus after waking up this morning covered in blood. I don’t know how or why, but a little pool of blood formed in my right nostril and when I tilted my head it all came spilling out. Nasty. I really should stop picking my nose so much.

…when all your short-sleeve shirts are dirty so instead of doing laundry you cut the sleeves off a shirt with long sleeves! I’ve hit a new low. But at least Terry the Dog has a new toy that I fashioned out of the sleeve cutoffs.

My brother Pat just started his own blog called didyouseeroy. He must have a lot of time on his hands because he somehow finds all kinds of weird shit to write about… people who jump over babies, cruel tricks Germans play on old people, and even a chipmunk fashion model.

The chipmunk is great, especially if that’s the kind of thing that gets you hot! Keep it coming Pat.

This is gonna get messy

I was out walking Terry just now and he found a baby bird (maybe a robin) hanging out on the street next to the curb! Naturally he wanted to eat it, but not wanting to clean bird guts off his face I restrained him.

I didn’t want to just leave the bird there, so I asked this young mom pushing a stroller if she knew anything about birds or wanted to adopt one. As soon as she saw the bird she started oohing and aahing over how cute it was, and after some debate about what to do she gave me her copy of the Red Eye which I used to scoop the bird off the street and deposit it onto the grass on the other side of the sidewalk. I even called some bird rescue place that said they may or may not send someone to save the little guy.

Either way, I think I did my part. Will the bird live or die? I dunno, but at least now he’s got a much better shot at dying of starvation instead of being squashed by a car! Yeah. He owes me big time.

And in other news, two plumbers just came into my apartment and dismantled my toilet. Apparently the collar is cracked… the collar being the iron ring directly under the shitter… and that caused my downstairs neighbor’s bathroom ceiling to cave in! Haha. The bad news is that they won’t be back to fix it until later today and I just ate a pound of lasagna which means that pretty soon I’m gonna need to take one of my legendary dumps. Eh, no big deal - I’ll just crap on the sidewalk. Terry does it everyday and the neighbors don’t seem to mind.